My Reality

I wanted to share
Loneliness was all I found
I needed reassurance
Mockery was all I got
I craved appreciation
There was only contempt and derision
I trusted
The betrayal destroyed my faith
I expected
There was only disappointment
I loved
But that was perceived as my weakness
I was scared
There was no hand to hold mine
I wept
There was no one to wipe my silent tears
My illusions were shattered, for better or for worse
Too much pain, too much of myself at stake
Too much that time cannot heal
So I hide behind a mask
The walls I’ve built around myself are high
For it is fear, I fear.
Of being unloved,
Not cherished, unworthy;
Of being rejected,
Of being alone, yet again.
No.
Not again, Never again
My calm and confident
Façade is a farce
My nonchalance, my laughter;
For you can never see the tears lurking behind
The sadness that seems to tear at my very soul
The real ‘me’ lies inside –
Trapped, restless, unsure,
Lonely, scared, trembling;
Yet I carry on as normally as possible
And if it hadn’t been for this
You’d have never known